Overwhelming tiredness, know what I mean?

Right.

I was gonna write a book review (which I did start, yay me!) but I wasn’t  able to finish it in time for today’s post.

“Why?”,  you ask.

Welllll……. I am so tired today.

“Aw,  come on.  Get yourself going!”,  you might think.  (Please, can somebody tell me where the comma actually belongs?  It looks so stupid,  whichever way I place it.  TVM!)

For me,  every day seems to be a surprise party,  some days I have fun and other days the party is cancelled.

It is so darn frustrating as it interferes with my plans and appointments.  Me no likey!  I hate to cancel last-minute,  or worse,  go anyway and pull myself through on pure will power.  I know I suffer for it later.  Sometimes it is just worth it,  other times…

“Have you….. ?”,  before you go on I’ll explain.

Yes!

I’ve been tested.  And no,  it is not something physical as such.

So,  what causes this overwhelming tiredness,  where I have to lay down,  cuz I just can’t stand anymore (pun intended😉 );  where once down I don’t get up for several hours;  where I don’t have the energy to cook,  even when I am hungry;  where I am not able to concentrate,  read  or do anything but simply…  lay down?

My theory?

My body is overwhelmed by my emotional experience.

“Come again?”,  you say.

Well,  actually,  I hope that some of you know what I am talking about.

Last night I watched a movie on tv.  While before I wouldn’t shed a tear,  no matter how emotional the movie scene was,  since I am on my trauma healing journey,  I suddenly find tears running down my face.  It feels embarrassing,  even though I am on my own.  Who cares if I cry cuz of a movie?!  Apparently,  I do.

It takes some getting used to,  but it makes me happy as it is a sign that my emotions are coming alive.

The down side?

The next day I suffer an overwhelming tiredness…

I partied for my birthday with 5 other people,  I really enjoyed myself.  Really!  It comes with learning to live more and more in the moment,  being mindful.  Since happiness happens now,  I do experience ‘happy’,  and love it!

The result?

Two days of a sorta knocked out overwhelming tiredness causing sleepiness resulting in being glued to the couch doing literally nothing.

You know,  I can describe it a bit like this.  Ever been sitting on your legs too long?  Me too.  Ever tried to get up and walk?  Me too.  If it is real bad,  your leg(s) won’t hold you,  you feel all pins and needles and numb.  The longer you sat on them,  the longer it takes for them to ‘wake up’ again, the more painful it is.

The pins,  needles and numbness is terrible,  but having the use of your legs back is awesome!

Well,  that sort of happened to my emotions.  They were pretty frozen,  now they are thawing,  which is an interesting, messy process.

I hate it,  cuz I lose time.

I love it,  cuz I’m getting feelings back in my soul.

Anyone know what I mean?

Photo credit 1

Photo credit 2

4 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

4 responses to “Overwhelming tiredness, know what I mean?

  1. I know exactly what you mean.🙂 I’m going through a similar process of reactivating feelings and being present, and it’s completely exhausting. Some days it’s all I can do to lay on the couch and keep my eyes open enough to follow what’s happening on the tv. I think it’s normal, and it will happen less and less as you become more used to it. So hang in there, and give yourself permission to rest. Your body, your mind, and your spirit are connected, so let them take care of each other.🙂

    • Sharon, so good to know someone who goes through the same. Of course I sort of ‘know’. But actually ‘meeting’ someone is so encouraging! I guess it’s normal and I am in the process of accepting it fully – it does get me frustrated still. But oh, the joy of becoming alive is so worth it!
      Take care yourself, Sharon and thanks for coming by😉

  2. You are truly amazing for taking on this journey Fen! Blessings to you❤
    (((((((hugs)))))))

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s