Photo credit: zieak
Sorry, it’s been a while since I have written.
Why you ask?
Because I couldn’t write about what was happening to me and with me. I still can’t. Even though the situation has… well, what to say? It has not resolved itself as such. It was taken over (overtaken?) by other developments.
Because other people are involved. Not because I am afraid they are reading my blog. They might not even know it exists. But because I cherish my integrity. And I can’t spill the beans about somebody else’s behavior. You know what I mean?
Because it took up all of my energy and then some. Which is not to say that that in itself is bad. In actual fact, my counselor was proud (proud, you hear?! I was shocked!) how I was handling all that was
thrown at me happening. After all, I am still standing! A year ago… well, I can’t even imagine how I would have responded. Steep learning curve? Heck, yeah! But it was worth it!
Because stress is still a trigger for my body to get sick. So I have been having a stuffy nose, a horrible cough and lazy days with crazily enough sleepless nights even with sleep meds. Anyone of you ever had the same?
Because after all this I thought: “So, where do I go from here?”
Because even if I could have blogged about it, I am not even sure if I could have put words to it. “It” being what I was feeling, my emotions. Half of the time I don’t even know where my emotions are or how I feel. Recognize it?
Like sitting behind your computer, hands on the keyboard, soul filled to the brim, body screaming and… nothing. You know this too, right?
I know how to research stuff and I have an endless list of topics to write about (sort of). But I have this crazy desire to break my soul open and spill out what is inside. It’s been locked up for too long.
Anyone a crowbar handy?