Just in case the previous post has given you the idea that my life with Bipolar Disorder is a breeze, here are some points to take into consideration:
- The meds I am taking caused me to gain weight. A lot of weight. Trust me, you don’t wanna know how much. And it’s not easy to get rid of.
- The meds I am taking suck even more, because now I am struggling with the onset of Diabetes. Cuz, you know, I gained a lot of weight.
- I am a night owl and have lived an irregular life since…. well, forever, I guess. BUT. Right now? I would serve myself best if I would keep a pretty regular schedule.
- Having to cancel whatever plans I have, because I ended up in one of my funky, unruly, unmanageable moods, be it the up or down swing. Can be pretty challenging for friendships.
- Not being understood. A few examples. People not understanding why I was not diagnosed earlier. People thinking that you can or should just ‘snap out of it’. Or that you should use your will power.
Never thought I would be actually meeting a dietician. Me on a diet? Bwahahaha! Well, I won’t be. Which brings me to the second point.
But even worse, certain meds that I need from time to time actually seriously increase the chance of getting Diabetes. Hence the dietician in my very near future.
I already have made certain food changes, but I need to make some more to combat further development. No diet – that is temporarily. Those changes? They are for real and most likely for life.
Truthfully – most changes don’t bother me. Okay – giving up drinking dry, red wine because the alcohol in combination with my meds make me depressed, wasn’t fun. But giving up chips (crisps, for the British among you) and liquorice?!?! Real.Bad.News.
You know, things like going to bed and getting up at the same time every day, taking my meds at the same time every day, eating all my meals like breakfast, lunch and dinner at the same time every day and have regular healthy snacks in between to keep everything on an even keel.
No big deal, right? But, for me, it is. Cuz changing life-long habits is hard people, really hard. Also, at heart I am a rebel. I just wanna do things my way, whenever I want to. *sigh* No, change that to *very BIG sigh*.
If you have a friend or family member with Bipolar Disorder, please understand that we do this not on purpose. Truth is, I hate to cancel plans at the last moment as much as the other party.
But trust me, very few friends can handle being around me when I am severely depressed or getting over-the-edge hypo manic. Even in my hypo manic or ‘just’ depressed state I am pretty intense for them. It is not fair to expect them to handle more than they are comfortable with. Difficult and painful for both parties.
Believe me – if I had a choice in the timing of my diagnosis, or if I could just ‘snap out’ of depression / hypo mania, or if I could change it all by will power – I WOULD.
The problem? It doesn’t work that way. The biggest problem? The people who think they know how to deal with what I have, but really don’t.
Because after several years and hard work, I am now well on my way of accepting my particular life-mood-swing, it has become easier to deal with the fall out of point 5. Unfortunately, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt. You know what I mean?
Even though there is a whole lot more to say about it, this is enough food for thought for now, me thinks. ;)
Any questions? Please, leave a comment. I am very happy to try to answer them.