I was gonna write a book review (which I did start, yay me!) but I wasn’t able to finish it in time for today’s post.
“Why?”, you ask.
Welllll……. I am so tired today.
“Aw, come on. Get yourself going!”, you might think. (Please, can somebody tell me where the comma actually belongs? It looks so stupid, whichever way I place it. TVM!)
It is so darn frustrating as it interferes with my plans and appointments. Me no likey! I hate to cancel last-minute, or worse, go anyway and pull myself through on pure will power. I know I suffer for it later. Sometimes it is just worth it, other times…
“Have you….. ?”, before you go on I’ll explain.
I’ve been tested. And no, it is not something physical as such.
So, what causes this overwhelming tiredness, where I have to lay down, cuz I just can’t stand anymore (pun intended ); where once down I don’t get up for several hours; where I don’t have the energy to cook, even when I am hungry; where I am not able to concentrate, read or do anything but simply… lay down?
My body is overwhelmed by my emotional experience.
“Come again?”, you say.
Well, actually, I hope that some of you know what I am talking about.
Last night I watched a movie on tv. While before I wouldn’t shed a tear, no matter how emotional the movie scene was, since I am on my trauma healing journey, I suddenly find tears running down my face. It feels embarrassing, even though I am on my own. Who cares if I cry cuz of a movie?! Apparently, I do.
It takes some getting used to, but it makes me happy as it is a sign that my emotions are coming alive.
The down side?
The next day I suffer an overwhelming tiredness…
I partied for my birthday with 5 other people, I really enjoyed myself. Really! It comes with learning to live more and more in the moment, being mindful. Since happiness happens now, I do experience ‘happy’, and love it!
You know, I can describe it a bit like this. Ever been sitting on your legs too long? Me too. Ever tried to get up and walk? Me too. If it is real bad, your leg(s) won’t hold you, you feel all pins and needles and numb. The longer you sat on them, the longer it takes for them to ‘wake up’ again, the more painful it is.
The pins, needles and numbness is terrible, but having the use of your legs back is awesome!
Well, that sort of happened to my emotions. They were pretty frozen, now they are thawing, which is an interesting, messy process.
I hate it, cuz I lose time.
I love it, cuz I’m getting feelings back in my soul.
Anyone know what I mean?